Alright, so I know summer is not officially over for another few weeks, and with the Southern California climate we probably have another couple months of hot weather to go, but summer break is over and I am not in school. All of my friends are going back or have already done so. My boyfriend will be leaving in two weeks to start his senior year of university, and I'm so proud of him, and us, even, for coming so far.
I know it will be a hard year. I know that there are a lot of hurdles, and there have already been (and probably will continue to be) a lot of days spent hungry, since I am currently unemployed and no longer have financial aid to help me out.
The past few weeks, however, have assured me beyond a shadow of a doubt that I made the right choice. No matter what my qualms are with Los Angeles (basically they all involve cars: people driving like idiots and the fact that there is never any parking), I know that the city holds so many more opportunities for someone like me, and that I am entering "real life," as I like to call the world outside of school.
My family has been unendingly supportive and have helped me more than I ever thought they would. I've been able to get things I need, and I wouldn't have been able to do any of that without them helping me fix things, picking me up groceries, slipping me money occasionally. They believe in me. They want me to succeed, and all of that only makes me want to work even harder to get myself sorted.
I turned twenty-one two weeks ago, and so far it has been wonderful. I made fairy bread (pictured above: bread, butter, and jimmies!). I spent time with friends and genuinely enjoyed myself without dissolving into a pile of nerves and bowing out, which is wonderful progress for me. I got to watch a real thunderstorm with my boyfriend for possibly the first time, that I can remember, and I got to drink beer and watch football with his family. I got to see my dad play drums and sing onstage. I got to meet up with two of my favorite people for coffee and talk about crafting and television shows and other fun things. Doctor Who is back. I bought a desk for $20 at the thrift store and I get to move it in tomorrow, and I've packed a ton more of my belongings to take with me. I'm just happy. Genuinely happy.
Two months ago, I was lost. I had lost my opportunity to go to the perfect school despite basically working my entire life for the opportunity. I couldn't go back to community college in the fall because they would no longer give me aid due to how many units I'd taken. I felt lost, pathetic, disappointed as well as disappointing, and just had absolutely no idea where to go. I felt utterly useless. And then, just weeks later, everything fell into place. I worked hard on this apartment, and soon, it is going to be my permanent home. It's going to feel homey. I'm going to find a job, and I am going to do all the things I have been wanting to do, and figure out what I would like to do for a career.
I think I'm going to drift a bit first, though. A bit of drifting never hurt anyone.
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